Erwin Parengkuan “Self Image vs Social Image”

When teaching at a Ministry recently, as usual, one of the things participants had to do was “individual presentation,”Usually this material can be intimidating for those who experience many challenges in communicating.As you can imagine, each participant was asked to practice the material they had received (starting from increasing self-confidence, structure in communication, total vocals to getting to know our personality and the person we are talking to/Understand-inc People) that they had received over the past 2 days.

Ketika sedang breakout session, seorang bapak menghampiri saya dan berkata “mas Erwin boleh bicara dengan saya sebentar?” Singkat cerita, ia-pun memulai pembicaraannya, dikatakannya kenapa setiap bicara ia sering kali terbata-bata. Sayapun mendengar yang disampaikan, memang betul! Saya mengalami kesulitan untuk menangkap apa yang disampaikan. Artikulasi yang tidak jelas, ditambah bicara yang terlalu cepat, sehingga setiap kata tidak terdengar jelas, apalagi menangkap seluruh isi pesannya. Saya bilang : “coba bapak bicara lebih tenang, tidak perlu terburu-buru. Coba nikmati apa yang anda bicarakan. ” Kemudian ia kembali mengulang kalimatnya. Hasilnya lebih baik. Dan ini terjadi sampai 3 kali saya memintanya untuk tidak terburu-buru dan lebih tenang. Setelah itu, terdengar lebih baik lagi dan saya memberikan penghargaan atas perubahan yang telah dilakukannya. Ada senyum sedikit diwajahnya. Saya kembali berkata, “ayo pak teruskan kembali kalimatnya, tadi kan belum selesai.” Kemudian ia berhenti sejenak, wajahnya berubah gusar.

I felt there was something else he wanted to say, then I asked “Are you in good condition today?”From the look on his face it was clear that he was in distress.He was silent...I was waiting for what he wanted to say.After a long time, he opened his mouth again with unclear articulation: “I have domestic problems, I often argue with my partner, we don't get along.Also between me and my children, they live in Sumatra, I am in Jakarta and I always think about this problem, I am always anxious, especially when I have to speak in front of many people.

Saya minder, tidak percaya diri. Sepertinya orang-orang ini akan mentertawakan saya atas masalah yang saya hadapi !” Kemudian saya terdiam sejenak, berpikir untuk kalimat yang tepat harus diucapkan. “Saya mengerti apa yang bapak rasakan, kalau ingat masalah ini terus, tentu bapak akan sulit konsentrasi, sehingga apa yang akan bapak bicarakan kepada orang lain menjadi sulit dimengerti, bagaimana kalau tidak melulu lihat “kebelakang” pak, tapi apa yang dapat dilakukan untuk ke depannya, dan yakin Tuhan pasti akan campur tangan untuk masalah anda, minta padaNYA pak, pasti diberikan.” Si bapak kemudian mengulang kalimat saya: “iya minta kepadaNYA, pasti dibantu ya? masih dengan wajah yang gusar, dan kalimat yang terputus…

From my story above, the father is very honest/open about himself, he is not in a state of denial, he accepts himself as he is.And this is very important before we communicate, how a person is fully aware of himself, what is happening and what is shown in public, even though his open confession shocked me.

Indeed, what we feel cannot escape our self-assessment ability, which will be clearly reflected in the way we communicate, especially if we pay close attention to someone's facial expressions and body language.Based on my experience, people who see themselves as inferior will appear insecure in public, and vice versa, people who see themselves as higher than others will also see this in the way they communicate.

So we need to appreciate what we already have, to improve it, of course focusing on our strengths so that all the positive things within us are clearly visible when we communicate.

You certainly often hear the motto “you are what you think,”that's how our brain works, if we believe in seeing our own abilities, all actions will definitely lead to what we believe is possible, and vice versa.And everything that is displayed, starting from body posture, face, voice and words, will clearly show how a person views himself and communicates with other people.It's time to think positively, and make a relevant assessment of ourselves, be open, honest, so that we can adjust our image according to what we want to show in public.

That's what I can share in this article, outside the context of human communication, yes there is another power, namely our relationship with the Creator, how big is that trust?Of course it will help everyone to believe in the abilities He has given, let's be grateful, hone them, so that with all our “capital”what we have, ensures that we display an appropriate image of ourselves in the environment, what we want to display gets the same assessment as what other people see of us.So that self image and social image look the same.

Jakarta March 7 2017