Unconditional Positive Regards-The Power of Self Acceptance

By Erwin Parengkuan

When I got this sentence from the book I was reading, the findings of a famous American psychologist named Roger Walcot Sperry (born 1913-died 1994), I immediately stopped reading and digested deeply the sentence which became the title of my writing this time.Sperry and his friend, the equally popular psychologist Abraham Maslow (The Hierachy of Needs), also carried out a movement when they collaborated, namely the "consciousness rising" movement.Two figures who I really admire, have collaborated and confirmed that the life we ​​live is a long process that needs to be made with a clear purpose and carried out with full awareness.

The sentence in this title can be translated as saying that we humans should accept our interlocutors as they are, for the actions, words and emotions they give us in the context of being good listeners without evaluating, interrupting or accusing them.This statement is very relevant in the context of work as a psychologist when interacting with patients to get a description of what they feel and experience.So you will get complete information when there is no objection from the psychologist when hearing about the problems faced by the patient.

If we transfer this to the context of communication or building relationships with the person we are talking to, I think this theory remains relevant.In fact, our position as listeners will act the same as the person we are talking to when they listen to our words.So that there will be balanced communication, as the meaning of communication in Latin is communion or together.

Imagine what would be experienced by the two interacting individuals if each implemented unconditional positive regards (UPS).Of course it will be very fun and conducive.If we are aware of the roles we play every day, those roles will always change, whether in the work environment or at home.When we work, of course we seek equality with co-workers as well as when talking to superiors.In my opinion, equality is the most important foundation because there will be mutual benefit and mutual respect.Likewise, when we return home, family members want the same relationship, regardless of the child-parent hierarchical relationship.There will be unequal communication relations if one feels superior, especially when someone speaks with a "hot heart," of course this UPS cannot be implemented at all and this equality will fade because one feels more right.Functionally, both parents and superiors certainly have responsibilities as mentors.This means they must know the best moment when this role will be carried out, without having to interrupt the conversation or feel superior.Likewise, when we are on the road, this role will change, where we become citizens with the identity of this country.The same thing happens when we go abroad, other nations will not see the attributes we have at work or at home, but instead they see us as representatives of a country.

Artinya tidak ada yang benar dan salah, kita diminta untuk tidak menyela, menuduh, atau menghakimi apapun yang ada di dunia ini. Ketika kita membebaskan diri kita dari sikap dan sifat yang berfokus kepada ego kita, maka kita akan membiarkan setiap lawan bicara kita untuk menjadi apa adanya mereka, karena ini menjadi hak dan pilihan setiap orang. Tentunya dalam konteks pekerjaan dan keluarga ada aturan yang harus dijalankan dan dihargai oleh masing-masing anggotanya, dan tugas seorang pemimpin untuk dapat mengatur alur yang tepat, kapan harus mendengar, kapan harus berbicara dalam menjalankan perannya. Walaupun sejatinya setiap orang adalah mahluk bebas yang boleh melakukan apa yang diinginkan.

For me personally, what Sperry said really helped me to be more aware in communicating and carrying myself in the various roles that I play, so that my life is lighter and focuses on being a person who is more open, friendly and does good deeds to everyone. I am sure you also agree with this opinion.We actually always want a life that is enjoyable, balanced and happy even though the people around us are not at the same frequency as us, let that be their right.We will then accept ourselves in this relationship, as well as we accept the person we are talking to.